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  “Damn, babe. Your ass is so fucking tight.”

  He was on the brink, desperate to slide into my backdoor and get off, but there would be no relief for me. Not until he decided I’d been punished enough, and that could take anywhere from a few hours to a few days. He’d leave my body throbbing for him as long as he wanted, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

  Not because I didn’t have any power. The issue was my own perversion that trapped me in purgatory, ensuring I remained a supple possession in his sexy hands—hands that punished and pleasured with equal amounts of passion and love.

  I’d find no drug on this planet more addictive than Rafe Mason.

  Keeping my hands restrained in his Herculean fist, he shifted out of sight, and I sensed him behind me. A few intense moments passed before the head of his cock nudged the apex of my sex, each second a torturous eternity as I waited for him to thrust inside me.

  I anticipated it, dreaded it, longed for it.

  The promise of a few exquisite thrusts that would hurtle me toward the edge of blissful freedom. With a swift plunge, he seated his cock inside me, and my slick walls clenched around his girth. I moaned, my teeth sinking into the wood between my lips. I lifted my head, ignoring the burn in my shoulders, and gazed at the water just yards away. A gentle breeze caressed my skin. Birds chirped and sang. The sun beat its warmth onto the crown of my head.

  The setting couldn’t be more peaceful, more serene.

  More secluded.

  And yet I was in sexual agony, helpless against the hard stone underneath me as Rafe pounded me from behind. I was his. Baring my teeth around the stick, I cried out for mercy I knew he wouldn’t give and silently begged my body to do his bidding.

  Don’t come. For the love of God, don’t come.

  One hand landed on my ass cheek while his other squeezed the circulation from my wrists. “Hold it back, Alex,” he warned, pumping in and out, his cock hard and slippery and feeling so fucking good I wanted to let go anyway, damn the consequences.

  I met each thrust with an upward tilt of my hips, craving him deeper. Needing more.

  “So fucking wet.” He pulled out, and I heard him spit before he pushed the head of his cock into my ass. The sudden intrusion made me yelp.

  “Ah!”

  The stick fell to the ground.

  “That’ll cost you,” he said, voice strained as he grasped my butt cheek with one hand. His choppy breathing splintered the air, and I knew he was about to take me rough, no matter the pain it would cause. I drew in a deep breath.

  With one impatient thrust, he was inside my ass, his shaft intruding past the burn, beyond the resistance.

  “Please…” I said on a groan, my teeth grinding together. The pain was too much, and I needed…more. I needed to fucking get off, and it wasn’t going to happen unless he rubbed my clit.

  “Please, what? Are you begging to come, or are you begging me to get this over with?”

  Shit. He wasn’t about to be quick now.

  “Both,” I practically growled at him.

  “Do you have any idea how much of a turn on it is to see my cock in the one place no else has been? It’s the only place that’s really mine.” He brought a hand to my throat and squeezed just enough to issue a warning. “Say it’s mine, Alex.”

  “It’s yours.”

  “Beg me to fuck it.”

  I whimpered, my throat working under the threat of his hand. There was nowhere for me to go. I was stuck between Rafe’s iron will and the stone beneath me. What was worse…I was trapped by the hot, sticky mess coating the insides of my thighs.

  My body needed him.

  I needed the fucking pain.

  “Fuck me in the ass.”

  “Ask me nicely.”

  God, he could be such a cocky ass. Asking him to take me anally was a moot point, considering his cock was already inside me, inciting the retched burn I couldn’t help but despise, even if I got off on the power he took from me in this moment.

  “Please, Rafe. I need you to fuck me.”

  “Fuck you where?”

  “In the ass. You’re already there.”

  Stop fucking torturing me…

  “Damn right I’m there. This ass is mine.” He withdrew then plunged back in, smacking me hard as he forced his way into my tight hole. He fucked me with slow and steady thrusts, and I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. It hurt, was beyond uncomfortable, but the incessant throbbing between my legs—a throbbing his cock wouldn’t relieve as long as it sought release in my ass—was the hardest part.

  His pumps became more painful, coming as fast as his uneven breaths. Tears leaked from my shuttered eyes, crawling down my cheeks like drops of rain. I cried out with every thrust of the steel-like rod violating my backdoor. His erection was as hard and warm as the rock I was sprawled on top of.

  In the face of my howls, the birds fell silent.

  And he came, his cock going still deep inside me. The deep-throated moan he let out tingled down my spine, causing goosebumps despite the warm morning.

  “Please,” I moaned, refusing to open my eyes or move, even after he withdrew from my ass and released my hands. “I need to come.”

  “Not happening, Alex.” Several moments went by as our rapid breaths floated through the air.

  He jolted me back to reality by dragging me to my feet. Cradling my face between his hands, he kissed the tears from my skin, and my heart melted.

  “Clasp your hands together at the back of your head,” he whispered, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones.

  I wanted to question him, but a small part of me hoped he’d give me what I needed if I cooperated. I laced my fingers together and placed them at the back of my head, my elbows reaching outward, breasts thrust toward him.

  “Good girl.” He took my mouth, tongue sweeping inside, stealing the breath from my lungs. And his hands, God they were driving me crazy. His fingers circled my nipples until they formed hardened buds. “Spread your legs.”

  Giving him a whimpering plea, I hesitated. I didn’t want to open my legs; doing so would heighten the throb in my pussy, and I desperately needed it to go away.

  “Alex,” he warned, prompting me to widen my stance. I followed him with my eyes as he rounded the rock. He returned, clutching the stick I’d dropped. No words were needed. His eyes told me everything.

  Don’t move.

  And don’t fucking drop the stick this time.

  I took it between my teeth and bit down hard, knowing I’d need the makeshift implement to grind on for what was coming next.

  Punishment for dropping the switch in the first place.

  More pain delivered as a reminder why my pain belonged to him and only him. I wasn’t allowed to take it, not even a little.

  Not a single scratch on my skin by my own hand.

  And my emotional state…that was his, too. My fears, my joy, my anger—he wanted it all. No, he demanded it all.

  Rafe tested several branches before finding one he liked. He broke it off, and the sound tore through the serenity of our surroundings. He came back to stand in front of me.

  “You ready for this, sweetheart?”

  No, but I nodded anyway, my nipples tingling, and tried not to flinch as he brought the switch down on them.

  4. No More Bandaids - Rafe

  I was ready to fuck her again. I cursed my hyperactive dick and took a deep breath, letting the switch dangle at my side for a few moments. She was fucking amazing, standing before me of her own free will, no restraints keeping her there as she offered her budded nipples up for my sadistic pleasure.

  My cock jumped at the thought of striking her again. I willed my junk to settle the fuck down, determined to give her a short reprieve. Her nipples were large and red from the lashing, and though it was negligible, Alex’s shoulders hunched forward, her body instinctively protecting the sensitive tips of her breasts.

  “Stand up straight, baby. We’re not done yet.”


  She corrected her posture, her tits pointing at me in temptation. I struck her hard peaks, one then the other with rapid licks of the branch, and she jerked each time the switch connected with her sore nipples.

  “I’ve told you a thousand times. If you want pain, you come to me for it.” I shot her a pointed glance. “Otherwise, you’ll just get the pain and no orgasms. Is that what you want?”

  “Mmnoo,” she mumbled, shaking her head, teeth clamped down on the branch gagging her.

  Stepping closer, I teased her slit with the end of the switch, and her protest turned to an unbridled moan. I caught her gaze and held, my breath stalling in my lungs. Her backside was a work of art—a canvas of red welted lines—and I’d stretched her tight hole, causing a burn she probably still felt the remnants of. And her tits. Hell, I loved how those nipples were a painful red. They called to my mouth to bite and inflict more pain.

  But what really got to me was Alex. Despite everything I’d put her through today, she was bursting with the need to come.

  Not just get off, her body reaping the physical rewards, but on a fundamental level, she needed to reach that high with me and only me.

  No one else’s soul could speak to hers the way mine did, especially when I filled her with my cock.

  Lowering my gaze, I trailed the stick along the path of her pussy. She whimpered, her legs trembling as she shuttered her eyes.

  I pulled the branch from her mouth and tossed it to the ground. “You have no idea how much I want to make you come.”

  “Then do it. I fucking need you, Rafe.” She sobbed the declaration, her eyes full of torment, and I knew her well enough to know she was talking about more than just the joining of our bodies.

  “What we have now,” I began, “why is it not enough?”

  Her lips parted, closed, then parted again. For a few telling seconds, she looked everywhere but at me. “Because…it’s just…not.”

  “You need to be straight with me, Alex. Let it go. Let me carry it for you.”

  She held her breath for what seemed like forever before letting it out in a long whoosh. “I’m scared you’re gonna leave me again.”

  I’d known it, based off what little she’d told me about her nightmare. But to hear her voice it…fuck, it was harder to hear than I thought it would be.

  I hung my head, and my chest constricted from the anguish I’d caused her. “Leaving you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I’ll spend my entire life trying to make it up to you, but I still won’t succeed.” I risked another glance at her, and I would have done anything to take the pain out of her jade eyes. “All I can do is show you every damn day that I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Then marry me.”

  Shit. We were at an impasse. I wanted her trust, and she wanted me to prove she could give it. But putting a bandaid over the problem in the form of a piece of paper wouldn’t solve anything.

  I’d marry her in a heartbeat, but not like this.

  We needed to work on us first. Fix the cracks in the foundation holding us up. Go back to the past in order to find our future. I’d known it for a while.

  I was going to have to break her down, take her back to the one place she never wanted to see again, to the cabin where I set this monster in motion by leaving her chained to my bed, never to return.

  That’s where the already crumbling foundation of our relationship had split wide open. By running away from my fears, I’d placed a huge obstacle in our path.

  I’d be damned if I allowed her to make the same mistake. We were going back.

  To face the chains.

  The fiery destruction.

  The bittersweet memory of the first time we said we loved each other.

  By the time the sun set, she’d hate me.

  5. Home Sweet Misery - Alex

  Rafe steered the black Rubicon down a dirt road, back end packed full of what had consisted of our lives for the last few months. He’d traded in the red truck after we escaped Shelton and his thugs, opting for the SUV for its off-road capabilities, along with the tinted windows that were a shade above legal.

  I gazed out the passenger side window and took in the tall pine and Douglas firs lining the backwoods road we were traveling. The last light of the sun cast the trees in a golden hue. Another day, another journey off the beaten path.

  “You really won’t tell me where we’re going?” I couldn’t help the irritation in my tone. Getting cross with him was dangerous, especially after what he put me through today, not to mention the ever present ache between my thighs that he still hadn’t done anything about.

  He treated me like a fucking queen. I needed for nothing, wanted for nothing, but he had rules. To the outside world, our relationship would look like a distorted, fucked up disaster.

  To us it was just natural.

  Naturally twisted, but it felt right.

  “You’ll find out when we get there,” he said, shooting me a heated look.

  We got there twenty-five minutes later. As he pulled up to a cabin, I leaned forward and squinted against the sun dipping toward the A-frame roof. Something in my chest tightened, and I darted my gaze to Rafe.

  “Why are we here?”

  He didn’t answer. Instead, he shut off the engine and pushed the driver’s side door open. A few seconds later he stood at the passenger side, one hand curled around the edge of the door as he waited for me to get out.

  Noting his resolute expression, I scurried into motion and unfolded from the vehicle before following him to the covered porch. Keys jingled, a door creaked open, and Rafe forced me past the threshold of the one place I hoped to never set foot in again.

  Funny, how so much had changed since the last time I’d been here, yet the cabin looked exactly the same.

  Same tiny kitchen with the breakfast bar separating the space from the living room.

  Same futon and chair that had seen better days.

  Same musty smell that hinted at the cabin’s infrequent use.

  Rafe shut the door and locked it. We stood in the emerging shadows of dusk, neither bothering to switch on a light. Despite growing accustomed to the silence of the woods, the quiet that fell over us now unsettled me, and I couldn’t handle it a second longer.

  “Is someone after us? Is that why we’re here?”

  He stepped forward and took my hand in his. “We’re safe. Nothing’s wrong.”

  “Then why are we here, Rafe?” My voice rose, the same as my heart rate.

  “We’re here because this is the last place you want to be.”

  I tried yanking my hand from his, but the vise of his fingers wouldn’t allow it. “I don’t understand.”

  “You don’t need to understand.” He gripped my chin in his free hand, his fingers gentle and commanding all at once. “You just need to trust me.”

  “I do trust you.”

  “Not enough, babe.”

  Before I could respond, he led me down the dark hall toward the bedroom on the right. The chain on the floor, ankle shackle left abandoned at the end of the bed, sat there like a snake about to strike. I couldn’t help but retreat into myself, shoulders hunching, arms crossing over the tightness in my chest.

  I didn’t want to remember, but every detail of the morning Jax returned without Rafe flooded back. The sunlight streaming through the curtains, the chirp of birds outside the window, the utter devastation squeezing the air from my lungs after Jax told me Rafe was dead.

  The phantom of that pain stabbed my heart now. I flicked watery eyes toward Rafe. “I told you I never wanted to see this place again.” I didn’t care if I came off as petulant. I thought I’d put his deception past me, but walking through the front door of this cabin was like crossing into another time.

  A time when Rafe wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his, because he’d wanted it that way. Helplessness was the theme of my life whether by my own weakness or as a result of someone else’s obsession.

  But nothing had ever left me feeling as
helpless as that morning.

  Rafe closed the distance between us and tilted my chin up. “I know it hurts, but that’s why we’re here. We’re gonna put this behind us and make new memories.”

  “It’s not that simple. How would you feel if I disappeared and let you think I was dead?”

  “It would gut me.”

  “That’s how you left me—fucking gutted. For six months, Rafe.” I turned my head, veering away from his touch, and my gaze landed on that shackle again. “I wanted to die with you that day. Nothing has ever hurt so much.”

  “Don’t say that.” Rafe dropped to his knees and lifted the hem of my tank top, exposing the tattoo of his name on my belly. He brushed a string of kisses across the flowing letters. “The earth isn’t whole without you on it.” He raised his green eyes, and the brightness of his gaze reeled me in, softened my heart. “I’ve fucked up so many times with you. I’ve gotta make it right.”

  “Rafe,” I said, nibbling on my lower lip. “How is being here going to fix anything?”

  Slowly, he kissed his way up my navel, his knuckles grazing my skin as he pulled the material up my ribcage. “It will,” he whispered, removing my tank before cradling my face in his hands. “It has to.” He paused, brows narrowing over thoughtful eyes. “The nightmares won’t go away on their own.”

  “I’m not the only one having nightmares.”

  But I was the only one expected to deal with them. It might be okay for Rafe to ignore his demons, but the same rules didn’t apply to me. He was unfair like that. Even worse, he never denied it.

  “It’s my job to protect you.” The past washed over his face, as bleak as the shadows invading the bedroom. His eyes darkened, forehead creasing. “I won’t expose you to the shit that goes on in my head. We’ve been over this, and I swear, if I have to say it one more time, I’ll—”

  “You’ll punish me?” I interrupted with a hint of sarcasm. I held his scruffy cheeks. “You’re already punishing me every fucking time you shut me out.” I glanced around the room, from the bed where he told me he loved me for the first time to that fucking chain on the floor that served as a reminder of that awful morning.

  The day he walked away without a second thought.